Cheater, cheater! Why do we cheat?

Why do men and women cheat? That question seems to bewilder most of today's population. There are numerous reasons why people cheat. The most common one is that their spouse has lost their swag. (If you do not know what swag is, you should just stop reading now.) Or maybe they never had it to begin with and now the cheater has the swag and notices what their spouse/fiance/partner/whatever is missing. Therefore, they nonchalantly search for the missing piece in their life. By piece, I mean they are looking for a piece of, well you know.

In all seriousness though, I believe there are a few types of cheaters and they are not to be treated with equal fairness. Are you scratching your head while reading these words? Let me explain, some have no conscience whatsoever. Others may be more of a freak in the sheets than your ordinary bend-her-over-the-desk-for-ten-minutes cheater. Ah, now you see.

First, you have your serial cheater who has practiced the art of cheating for years. Yes, it is an art and I have seen it in real life. I was actually a victim of this type. Unhappily married and always confiding my problems in this individual provided them with the perfect motivation to entrap me in their snare. (Since I am a Gemini, I got over it rather quickly and didn't really fall in love with this person since I could easily tell the difference between love and lust.) You see, this type of cheater has been practicing for many years. To the world abroad, this person is most likely "happily" married or that is what they would like you to think. They have no outside contact with this person other than the little bit of time they see them. There is no phone, no e-mail, no instant messaging contact. This kind of contact leaves a paper trail and could be later used as ransom if the cheatee gets pissed off at the cheater or even worse, falls in love with them. It makes perfect sense to cut communication but people like to overindulge and that is something the "serial cheater" has perfected to an art. Too much is never enough? Not for the serial cheater. A little bit is just enough. These are the signs to look for in a serial cheater: extremely flirty, most likely a male since they lack emotion, bored yet happy with life except one missing piece (there we are using piece again...) and had this sort of behavior for a very long time, possible forever. They prey on those in unhappy marriages because for one, that person is married to someone else meaning they don't have to deal with someone obsessing over them publicly. Also, the cheatee is most likely not sleeping around as a single person may. This is a well thought-out scheme and honestly, it's genius. I secretly thank that person because I wouldn't be able to write this article today had it not been for them.

Next, you have the addict cheater. This one just cannot get enough. He goes around to everyone, everywhere to get what he can. When his/her significant other finds out, he plays stupid and pretends to be the victim. He's the serial cheater overindulgent, sloppy cousin. This type of cheater practices for years like the serial cheater, except they break all the serial cheater's rules. First of all, they have cell phones. And e-mail. And facebook. And whatever else you can think of that can leave a paper trail and get you in trouble with who else? Your detective spouse. Now, after the first time it happened, you would assume the addict cheater would learn from their mistake and not see the cheatee for a while. But they're overindulgent as I mentioned earlier. It's the thrill of the chase, as it is for everyone apparently because the more I ignore them, the more they run to me. The addict is so addicted that he cannot have only one cheatee, but multiple. Not just your casual once-a-year-fling-out-of-town-while-on-vacation-with-your-homies, this person loves the opposite sex to the extreme. They also may actually fall in love with one of their cheatees. Although, they will never leave the stability of their spouse because let's face it, how hard is it to find someone that you can cheat on and they stick around? They may complain and nag for a little while but the addict shows constant "love" and reassurance to their spouse and voila! Like taking a condom off with a drunk girl, it never fails. The addict is addicted to the thrill, not to the person. They're probably addicted to sex also but it's the act of cheating that they truly enjoy. The secrets, the lies, the chase.

Moving forward, we come to the "first timer" cheater. This person has no mindset whatsoever of cheating and they love their significant other dearly. Then it creeps up on you like that past due Victoria's Secret bill. Over the years, things slowly start to change. People change. They grow apart, fights continue unresolved and before you know it, you find yourself with a roving eye. It starts with innocent flirting yet the first timer has no clue what they're setting themselves up for. In most cases, the first timer is a female. She is easily spotted because she flirts like there is no tomorrow. With anything and everything. She can be any age, which can be tricky because you wouldn't suspect it from a mature woman who has been happily married for many years. She's the perfect prey for the serial cheater because he is so good at what he does. The addict, not so much since his game is weaker than the serial cheater. Plus the addict is slippery and the first timer is much too cautious to let her significant other think she deceived him in any way, shape or form. Truth be told, this person is actually very innocent. On the outside. She's actually a closet freak, waiting to be let loose. Her now boring, monotonous life has weighed her down and what she craves is something her husband or significant other could never give. Even if he tried, he is most likely yesterday's news. Once the first timer gets her, or his, first taste of the sweet forbidden fruit, it's over. Unless the first timer was at one time truly head over heels for their spouse, their marriage will never be the same. Ever. In comparison to the other two types of cheaters, this one actually has hope to have a normal life again one day. Their condition is most likely not chronic and they will love again as well as be happily monogamous. Although, probably not with their spouses but in the future, hopefully.

There are many more types but those are the main types. This list could go on and on! Check back with this hub for updated types of cheaters to come soon, I just didn't want to leave it unpublished much longer and deprive the world of this glorious information that stumbled across my brain.